Romance Scam Red Flags

Putting yourself out there in the sea of love with all those other hopeful fish is a vulnerable situation for anyone – and while an open heart and a touch of optimism often pay off with a rom-com-style ending, bad actors prey on that very same vulnerability. 

Stick with us to prevent your potential rom-com hit from taking a dark turn into a twist ending, and we’ll fill you in on what online dating scams are, the most prevalent types of romance scams, and how to avoid a broken heart. At least from a scam, anyway – dating advice isn’t really our area of expertise, we’re more into background checks and stuff.

What Are Romance Scams?

Back when scams were more likely to be pulled off in person, street grifters were called con artists. The “con” part comes from “confidence game,” meaning that the swindler relies on a false sense of confidence that they manipulate the victim into feeling. In other words, it’s all about trust.

As the FBI puts it, “in romance scams, a criminal uses a fake online identity to gain a victim’s attention and trust. The scammer then uses the illusion of a romantic or close relationship to manipulate and/or steal from the victim.” In concept, romance scams can be similar to phishing scams – wherein the scammer impersonates a legit business or institution to get a hold of private information, which is then used to commit identity theft or extract money from the victim – but the con artist here poses as a potential romantic interest, and these scams typically occur on dating apps or across social media.

They’re also unique in that the scammers’ point of contact, whether it be a real person or a bot, attempts to make emotional, romantic, or sexual appeals to gain that aforementioned trust. This can happen with a cold contact or by matching on a dating app, and oftentimes results in a longer-form grift in which the imposter maintains an online rapport with the victim (which can last for days or even months) before popping the question…which is, in this case, inevitably an ask for money or valuable private info.      

By the Numbers

There’s no shame in falling in love, and there’s no shame in falling for romance scams, either – according to the Federal Trade Commission, about 70,000 Americans reported romance scams in 2022. In fact, 63 percent of social media users have been romance scam victims at least once. A successful grift costs the victim an average of about $4,400, and losses have totaled around $1.3 billion in years past. Worth noting, about 40 percent of online dating scams start on social media. 

Common Online Dating Scams

While online dating scams often follow a similar outline or format, they come in all sorts of different variations that continue to change with online culture, from catfishing scams to Tinder scams. In general, they virtually all follow the throughline of an emotional or romantic connection that leads to a financial ask, but keep an eye out for these common themes and techniques.

The Cold Contact

Though many romance scammers create or generate phony profiles on dating apps so they can pull off Tinder scams, Bumble scams, and Hinge scams, others use social media platforms that aren’t specifically for dating to slide into your DMs. Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook are prime scamming spots.

The Long Con

Lots of online dating scams come on hot and heavy, as crooks can’t wait to get to the good part (i.e. your bank account). These hard-and-fast scams are often after a one-time extraction. Sometimes, though, dedicated grifters will diligently play their role for weeks, months, or even longer in order to form a more nuanced emotional connection.  In this case, the scammer may seek to take lots of money from you over a long period of time. 

The Long-Distance Lover

This one works with both the hit-and-run and the long-con style of romance scams. In many instances, the criminal on the other end will claim to be from far away and seek to form a long-distance, remote relationship with you. Very convenient for covering their tracks. 

The Classic Catfish

While all online dating scams are inherently catfishing as they all involve the creation of a fake persona with the intention of deceit, a small handful of catfishers aren’t out for your money. Some simply enjoy the thrill of it all. This sort of emotional leeching isn’t overtly illegal, but it can be genuinely traumatic.  

Romance Scam Red Flags 

Hopeful romantics always want to see green flags like good listeners, empathy, and a healthy respect for boundaries. On the flip side, online dating scams are red flag city. Of course, that can actually work in your favor as you navigate a minefield of Tinder scams and the like – just keep an eye out for giveaways. 

• Be wary of profile pics that are a little too consistently polished, as they may have been stolen. Likewise, keep an eye out for clues that the pics are AI-generated, like an overly smooth appearance, off-kilter background details, or extra fingers. 
• While it’s not always a surefire sign of a romance scam, approach “lovebombing” with caution. This is when the scammer tries to move the faux “relationship” along unnaturally quickly and constantly showers you with an excess of compliments and attention. 
• Similarly, requests to go off-platform to free international services like WeChat, Line, or WhatsApp should make you raise an eyebrow. Requests to invest in crypto should make you run for the door. All of these things share something in common: they’re hard to track, which is a boon for bad actors. 
• Be suspicious of sob stories and sudden emergencies that might lead to a request for financial assistance, and equally suspicious of anyone trying to keep the relationship secret or isolate you from friends and family. 
• Check their account if you met on socials. Brand-new accounts or those following a bunch of people with very few followers themselves (especially strangely attractive women who seem to only follow men) are sus. 
• Take note if your online boo constantly comes up with excuses or delays when it comes to meeting in person or even linking via video call. If it seems like you simply just can’t get a hold of them offline, something may be up. 

Safety Tips

Generally speaking, if you suspect that your new online beau is a scam artist, you can use a variety of tactics to test their legitimacy. But before you get to romance scam third base, you can also curate some dating app instincts that’ll help prevent things from escalating.

• Practice caution when sharing anything online. Remember, all the personal life details you’ve shared publicly can be used as ammunition for a romance scammer to emotionally manipulate you. As the saying goes, in love and war, prevention is the best medicine…or something like that.
• Start the old-fashioned way by searching for your potential online lover’s info – like their name and keywords such as job title and location – via search engine to see if their story lines up. Next step: a Free People Search on PeopleWin (more on that later).
• Reverse image search their profile pics to find out if those photos have been snagged from public sources like stock photos or existing social profiles under a different name. 
• Follow up on conversational details that don’t match their profile info. It’s an easy way to catch them in a lie. 
• Don’t share vulnerable information or risque pics before meeting in person, as both can be used as ammunition for blackmail. 
• Never disclose private information, like your banking info, passwords, or social security number, to anyone online without absolute certainty that they are who they claim to be. And never send money to any individual or agree to move funds in any way for someone you haven’t met in person.

Breaking Up with Scammers

Before those red flags turn into identity theft, run a People Search on PeopleWin using whatever name, phone number, email, or address your match has provided you. We’ll run that info against more than 12 billion public records – from social media to court databases – using our bespoke algorithm and search for associated data, like social and dating profiles, addresses, employment history, marital status, and criminal records, so you’ll know exactly who you’re really dealing with (and whether or not your prince is actually a frog).   

As soon as you’re sure you’ve got a romance scammer on your hands, block and report them on whatever platform you’re using. If things have escalated to money or sensitive private information changing hands, contact your bank to put a hold on funds, block transactions, or request a reversal. Change any passwords that might be at risk on banking, social, communication, government, and shopping sites especially. 

The good news is, breaking up with scammers is definitely one kind of break-up that feels pretty great for the heart.

As a freelance writer, small business owner, and consultant with more than a decade of experience, Dan has been fortunate enough to collaborate with leading brands including Microsoft, Fortune, Verizon, Discover, Office Depot, The Motley Fool, and more. He currently resides in Dallas, TX.